Written by “Monday, 11/25/2024: It’s Thanksgiving week, and I feel sad…”
As I continued writing in my journal Monday morning, I felt like David writing a psalm of lament. Instead of counting my blessings, I felt compelled to inventory my loss: No local friends, no church home, no one to celebrate the holiday with, and a broken relationship that felt beyond repair…
I was tempted to wrap up my litany of misery with “WHAT IS THE POINT OF MY LIFE?” (in all caps), but I knew that response was too dramatic and, let’s be honest, irrational.
I felt sad. That’s all.
There was no need to get carried away…not at 6 am, anyway.
Although I’ve had lots of practice getting in touch with my sadness over the last several years, I’m still not used to it.
Feeling sad is just so—sad.
Agh.
As much as I am committed to acknowledging and processing my emotions (rather than burying them, as I’ve done in the past), I also fight the urge to spiritually side-step them. I noticed this temptation as I recounted all the reasons for my sadness in my journal. As I poured out my pain onto those blank pages, I was tempted to use worship, biblical declarations, and prayer to shift the gloominess of my mood.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with any of those spiritual disciplines. Indeed, they can and should be utilized regularly by any follower of Christ. However, using those tools to avoid experiencing difficult and painful emotions is not helpful in the long run.
Emotions—even difficult ones like sadness—are best treated as information to be processed rather than problems to be ignored or demons to be cast out.
Feeling sad isn’t a sin.
Remember, emotions aren’t good or bad; they’re just information to be processed. It’s far better to acknowledge challenging emotions and learn how to handle them rather than rebuke what is bubbling up inside—fear, sadness, hurt, loneliness, etc. The most effective thing to do is acknowledge the emotion, sit with it, and talk to God about it.
Jesus experienced all kinds of emotions yet never tried to cover up how He was feeling. He wept at the tomb of Lazarus, expressed anger at the merchants turning the temple into a market, and was in such anguish in the garden of Gethsemane that he sweated blood.
It’s okay to have feelings and to acknowledge them. Really.
The key, however, is to learn how to express emotions without setting up a permanent camp and living there.
When life is hard, it’s important to keep walking.
“Even though I walk THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death…” (Psalm 23:4)
Perhaps you’re wondering what kinds of practices or habits help us to walk through times (or seasons) of difficult emotions.
Although there are many, since I am writing this post on Thanksgiving Day, I will highlight one that is perhaps easiest to imagine today: The practice of gratitude.
Perhaps it’s a bit cliché to mention this on a national day of Thanksgiving, but the practice I’m referring to is more comprehensive than sitting around the dinner table identifying one thing you’re thankful for. A practice of gratitude is cultivated over a lifetime by intentionally focusing on what you have rather than what you lack.
Although it is a simple practice, an attitude of gratitude isn’t necessarily easy to sustain. In an age of competitive posting on social media, we can feel fed up with our lives and circumstances as we compare ourselves to others who curate lives that seem to be better than ours.
That is why it’s essential to begin a practice of daily intentional gratitude rather than dipping in and out of it whenever you think about it.
The effort is worth it.
Gratitude is especially useful in helping us to regulate difficult emotions (hello, sad!) because it stimulates the regions of the brain that are responsible for positive emotions. In contrast, areas responsible for negative emotions are inhibited.
Thus, when we feel grateful, our brains release dopamine and serotonin—two neurotransmitter hormones that boost us when we are tempted to camp out in emotional pain. Dopamine gives us that ‘feel-good’ rush when we accomplish something, while serotonin boosts our mood over a more extended period, helping to stabilize it.
This is good news!
Indeed, when we regularly practice gratitude, we create a self-sustaining loop. As our brains begin to enjoy the release of feel-good hormones, it encourages us to continue feeling grateful.
The best way to build a habit of gratitude is to choose something that works for you. Some people find having a gratitude journal very helpful, while others prefer to think of three things to be grateful for as they get ready for bed. (This could be a practice you include in your prayers.)
In preparation for this post, I found an article with various suggestions for this practice. One of them is to start a gratitude jar. I love the idea of writing down three things you’re grateful for (each on separate scraps of paper) and putting them in the jar each day. Keeping the jar in a central location (kitchen table?) is a visible reminder of the blessings in your life. I like this idea so much, I plan to start one in my home.
What about you? How will you begin practicing gratitude in your life?
Although we can’t do anything about the difficult emotions that remind us that life is tough, we can commit to a practice of gratitude to propel us forward when we’re tempted to throw a pity party instead.
I’d love to hear if you already have a practice of gratitude. What does it entail? If you don’t, would you commit to starting one? Let me know in the comments.
I will start my gratitude jar and you, dear reader will be on one of my scraps of paper…I’m genuinely grateful for you being on this restoration journey with me.
The picture below was taken today (Thanksgiving Day). I can’t say that my sadness is completely gone, but I’m literally walking through it, and my gratitude is off the charts.❤️
