Written by I once got so anxious before an exam that I had to lie down to avoid throwing up. I wish I could say that happened ages ago, like in high school calculus or my statistics class in college, but no, this happened just a few years ago in one of the few remaining classes I had to take before I graduated from seminary. Worse yet, the exam was in my New Testament course—a class that examines the life and teachings of Jesus in scripture. Ironically, the New Testament is replete with helpful texts such as “Don’t worry” and “Don’t be anxious about anything.” I’m embarrassed that they had little impact on my feelings before the exam.
Agh.
That’s the worst…
To be fair, starting a seventy-five-credit-hour master’s program in my late fifties was always going to be a challenge. I hadn’t studied or written research papers for nearly twenty years. My brain felt sluggish, and I was overwhelmed by all the reading and the technology. I felt panicked after reading the syllabus, for goodness sake! I immediately knew that anxiety management was going to be a thing I needed to get good at.
In my three years of study, I experienced countless moments of worry, overwhelm, and downright panic, but this New Testament exam was next level. As I mentioned in my post last week, there is nothing like getting outside your comfort zone to test how much fear is still inside you. This timed exam did just that; it ticked many of my known and unknown triggers, culminating in the aforementioned meltdown. Here are some of my triggers:
- Time Pressure: Because I am a slow reader, knowing I needed to perform quickly instantly made me anxious.
- Memorization: I knew from a previous exam that I would be required to remember facts that didn’t seem important. Although I do seem to have a highly developed talent for remembering random meals eaten years ago, I can’t seem to keep track of “significant” facts about Roman culture. Go figure…
- Grades: Agh…my old nemesis. Even though I had come a long way in my perfectionism/performance healing journey, I was very close to graduation and wanted to continue my string of straight As. This desire led to increased pressure to do well on this exam. I didn’t want to “mess up” three years of hard work and, dare I say it, “perfect” grades. Unless you’ve struggled with performance orientation or perfectionism, I get that this will make no sense to you. 🤷🏻♀️
- People pleasing: Because I was aware that my instructors thought highly of me, I didn’t want to let them down by not testing well. If I had thought about this fear for more than two seconds, I would have rightly concluded that my bad grade would not have impacted their lives at all. Oh, the bane of people-pleasing!
Although I could write quite a bit about the roots of those various fears, that is not the point of this particular post. Instead, my goal is to focus on things we can do to manage anxiety when it hits.
Anxiety management can be divided into three focus areas: body, soul, and spirit. Although the categories overlap, to keep things simple, we will examine each one separately.
1. Body: Anxiety manifests in our bodies; its primary symptom is shallow but speedy breathing and increased heart rate. This physical response prepares you for an intense situation like needing to get out of danger (think fight or flight). However, many of us experience those symptoms in far less precarious situations—oh, say, like having to take a timed exam. If nothing is done to curb the anxious response, you might even begin to feel lightheaded and nauseous. To combat anxiety in our body, we need to activate a counter-response to calm the body. (Note: A calm body leads to a calm mind.) How do we do that?
- Diaphragmatic Breathing: This is sometimes called “breathing with your stomach” (or breathing that causes your abdomen to push out.) Taking deep and slow breaths helps to calm your nervous system. Click here to view a helpful short video on this topic.
- Put your hand on your heart: This gesture signals to your body that you are actively tuning into yourself. To do this, place your hand over your heart and visualize breathing gently, softly, and deeply into your heart. Breathing a sense of safety or any positive emotion into the heart puts the brakes on our automatic survival responses of fight-flight-freeze.
2. Soul: If you are like me, you probably don’t do a great job attuning to your emotions when you get anxious. I have done the opposite: I’d either ignore or berate myself when I felt anxious (“What’s your problem?”) or yell at myself to calm down (which only added to my stress). Instead, we need to learn to be a calm presence for ourselves. How?
- “Hear” your emotion: One way to do this is to put your hand on your heart and speak gently to yourself: “I know you’re anxious right now; I’m sorry that you’re scared. I’m here for you. You’re not alone.”It doesn’t help to yell or use logic to calm your emotions. In other words, don’t waste time telling yourself why you shouldn’t be worried! If you’re anxious, you need to feel seen and supported more than anything else. We need to listen and connect with our hearts to help regulate our emotions.
- Ask yourself what you need: Instead of telling yourself what to do (“Calm down!”) or think (“You don’t have anything to worry about!”), try asking yourself what you need. (This strategy is most effective when you have already done diaphragmatic breathing with your hand on your heart.) Learn to support yourself when you’re struggling, as you might do for a friend.
3. Spirit: Have you ever had someone quote scripture to you if you admit to feeling afraid or anxious? Does it help?…
I didn’t think so.
When I am anxious, and someone reminds me that Philippians 4:6 says not to be anxious about anything, the only thing that happens is that I pile feeling guilty on top of feeling anxious🤷🏻♀️. It does not dissipate my anxiety. (It’s not wrong to quote scripture, by the way. It’s not a magic cure-all for anxiety, though.) I believe this is because anxiety emanates from the right side of the brain (and is related to experiences and emotions that we’ve had). On the other hand, quoting scripture is a left-brain activity because it involves language. That is why it’s more effective to hold a distressed child (experience) than to merely tell a child to calm down (language). So, instead of quoting truth (L-brain) to ourselves, how about we encounter truth in the person of Jesus (R-brain) instead? How?
- Invite Jesus to be with you in your anxiety: What if Jesus’s words, “Don’t worry,” are less of a command and more of a reassurance? In other words, what if he’s saying, “I know you worry, but you don’t need to stay stuck there because I am with you?” If this is true (and I believe it is), why not admit your fear (He knows it anyway) and ask Him to come and be with you in that fear? Ask Him to show you any false beliefs that you have about Him or yourself so that your beliefs come into agreement with His truth.In my example about exam anxiety, I could have said this: “Jesus, I am full of fear about this exam. Will You come and be with me right now? I’m sorry for not trusting that You are with me and will help me with this exam. I’m sorry for worrying about what other people think of me and for falsely believing my identity is based on how well I achieve. What is Your truth about me?
In conclusion, although I am a firm believer in getting healing for the roots of ongoing anxiety, it’s also essential that we get good at helping ourselves cope when worry does appear (and it will!) It’s time to stop burying fear like it’s a sin and learn how to care for ourselves and others when anxiety pops up. Experiencing fear is a part of life, but Jesus doesn’t want us to get stuck in that fear. Learn to care for your body and emotions by practicing the body, soul, and spirit, method.
Question: What helps you when you feel anxious?
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