3 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Fear Fear

A Case Study in Fear

My two-year-old grandson is a genius at recognizing fear in his body and knowing what to do about it. Just yesterday, he enthusiastically climbed up on a chair and almost fell off. Although he didn’t fall or hurt his body in any way, the near-fall startled him, {CUE: deer in headlights look}, and for a split second, he froze…

…But not for long.

Finn immediately scrambled off the chair—tears already running down his face—and ran into the arms of his momma. She swept her son up into her arms and held him close. As Finn sobbed into the nape of his mother’s neck, she cooed…

That was scary, wasn’t it?

Kylie used her gentle voice and firm grip around Finn’s little body to assure him he was safe.

What she didn’t do was tell Finn that he shouldn’t feel afraid; he had no control over his response to almost falling. Finn’s body responded exactly as it was designed to do: It’s meant to keep him safe.

Kylie also did not tell Finn that he was fine. Any sane person could look at him and see that he wasn’t fine. The tears and sobs were a dead giveaway to that fact.

Kylie and her husband, Anthony, understand that fear should not be ignored, dismissed, or rebuked. They recognize that fear serves a purpose, and as such, Finn’s fear mustn’t be brushed off or shamed.

Rather, fear is something to be grateful for.

Let me explain…

Why We Shouldn’t Fear Fear

Before I explain my point, let’s start with the obvious objection to fear being a good thing: No one likes to feel afraid. The slightly frozen, somewhat sickly, dried-up mouth concoction of bodily sensation is unpleasant.

It is, however, useful.

This brings me to my first reason why we shouldn’t fear fear:

1. Fear keeps us safe: It compels us to modulate our behavior to ensure our survival. In other words, it prepares us to recognize threats and then manage them. In Finn’s case, fear warned him to be careful when he climbs onto a chair in the future to prevent falling.As an emotion, it is the fastest activating of our core emotions; it also dissipates very quickly as well. If we continue to react to fear long after the stimulus for the fear disappears, it may indicate that there is a deeper issue like trauma or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).More on that in a minute…
2. Fear is a messenger: All our emotions are set up to convey information; they serve an important purpose. Therapist and author Dr. Glenn Hill says this:Every human has needs and is born with the capability to convey those needs. Our brains process messages received through our senses. The awareness of these needs originates with emotion. The emotion serves a purpose; it conveys a message to protect us. Emotion is not bad; it should not be ignored but honored. It is a guide that attempts to get our attention. As we grow older, this does not change.Here’s the problem:Most of us received the message that emotion is bad, wrong, and a sign of weakness. Through various ways, verbal and nonverbal messages, interactions, situations, circumstances, culture, etc., we have been reprogrammed and have learned to resist, shrug off, ignore, suppress, step over, etc. our emotions, and definitely not share them.It could be that you are part of a faith community that believes certain emotions (like anger or fear) are sinful. That’s unfortunate because we are created in the image of God, who also experiences emotions. It doesn’t make sense that God would give us emotions and then forbid us from expressing them. That isn’t true.

Here’s what is true:

He doesn’t want us to sin because of our emotions.

Feeling an emotion is not a sin.

*If you’re unsure about that, I suggest you pause right here to ask God about it. Ask Him if feeling fear (or anger) is a sin. If He tells you “no,” I suggest you take a minute to repent (turn away) from believing the lie that your emotions are sinful. Ask Jesus what His truth is to replace the lie.

Here’s where it can be tricky: Because many of us learned that emotions are bad (or not spiritual) or just never learned what to do with the darn things, we are stuffing them—only to later explode (sin) or engage in unhelpful behaviors to cope with the unprocessed pain. For example, countless people use porn to cope with their unidentified and unprocessed loneliness.

This is why I am a big advocate of paying attention to the emotional cues that our bodies generate throughout the day. I like to think of emotions as the dashboard on your car: Just as you would not ignore a “check engine light”, you don’t want to ignore the fear signal that pops up in your body.

Don’t rebuke it.

Don’t pray it away.

Tune in and pay attention.

Your body is giving you a message.

But what if the message doesn’t make sense?

In other words, what if your “check engine light” keeps turning on for seemingly minor reasons? For example, maybe you feel fear whenever your boss asks you to come into her office, or you feel anxious when your child asks to play outside. Or perhaps your “check engine light” is always on, and low-grade anxiety is your norm.

What then?

The most important first step is to tune into your body with curiosity and kindness.

Your body is doing what it was made to do. It’s giving you information—even if the information doesn’t make sense in the moment.

Next, name what you are feeling; say it out loud if you can. As psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel says, “We need to name it to tame it. It’s very helpful to tell a compassionate listener—one that won’t try to fix you or tell you you’re wrong for feeling the way you do. A compassionate listener creates a safe space for you to express yourself so you can explore what might be going on. A compassionate listener will NOT give you a Bible verse to try and make the feeling go away. (They may have the right heart, but the approach is unhelpful.)

If you don’t have a person to talk to, speak to God. The psalmist David models this for us in scripture. He never held back when it came to expressing his emotions to God.

This brings me to the third reason why we shouldn’t fear fear:

3. Fear is an invitation to connect to Jesus. Although the phrase “do not be afraid” appears over 80 times in the Bible, from Genesis to Revelation, I believe God isn’t rebuking His people about feeling fear. Instead, I see God using these words to comfort His people in times of fear and distress. For example, when Moses felt inadequate to lead the Israelites out of slavery, God said, “Do not be afraid, I will help you” (Exodus 3:6-9).

When Jesus walks on water, he tells the disciples, “It is I; do not be afraid” (John 6:20).

The important thing to remember is that God is not telling us not to feel fear; rather, He is reminding us that because He meets us in that place of fear, we can rest in Him.

Goodness! Isn’t that an incredible promise?

That brings me to the next step in the process of dealing with fear that is persistent or seems to bubble up when it doesn’t make sense:

Invite Jesus In

I recently listened to a podcast featuring John Eldredge, which described why this is so helpful. There is not one “right” way to invite Jesus in; below are some suggestions of what you could do:

• Acknowledge (name) your fear. “Jesus, I am feeling fear about this meeting with my boss.” Remember, we have to name it to tame it.
• Notice where you feel that fear in your body and take some deep, slow breaths, mentally directing the breath to the place of tension.
• Ask Jesus to come into that place of fear. Open your heart, mind, and body to receive whatever He wants to show you. He may show you a picture, or you may feel a sense of peace.
• Ask Jesus if there is a lie you believe which is causing you to fear right now. Listen quietly for what He shows you: what do you see, sense, or hear? If you hear a lie such as “I am not a good worker; I make too many mistakes; I am a failure,” break your agreement with the lie and ask Jesus for His truth. (You may hear, “I’ve got you,” or something else to encourage you.)
• Ask Jesus to show you the root of this fear. You may have a memory come to mind. For example, it could be a memory of a teacher or parent who told you that you are a failure and won’t amount to anything. Ask Jesus to be with your younger self who had that experience. What does Jesus want that little part of you to know? Forgive the person who spoke those words over you.
• Continue to deep breathe and assure your body that you are safe.

Let me finish by acknowledging that some of you may be dealing with longstanding fear and anxiety that has deep roots in trauma. While I fully believe that Jesus is the one who ultimately heals us, you may need another person to come alongside you and support you on your journey of healing deep-rooted fear. I encourage you to seek support from a therapist, counselor, pastor, or friend on this journey. Please read out if this is you.