Written by “You don’t deserve to be treated that way. If I were you, I’d tell him you’re done.”
This was the helpful advice given to my friend going through a difficult time in her marriage.
I’m sure this person meant well; no one wants a friend to be hurt.
The problem is, the friend hadn’t considered that God might have a different plan for this couple. Instead of praying and seeking God’s wisdom for the next steps, the friend gave emotional advice that culture might deem normal, but God does not.
Have you ever given someone advice that didn’t align with God’s wisdom?
I suspect we all are guilty of that from time to time. We let pride, emotion, or logic stop us from considering what God might say.
However, good advice isn’t necessarily good if God’s not in it.
Many of us fall into the trap of making decisions for ourselves or advising others based on emotion, logic, convenience, or all of the above. Consider the examples below:
Emotion: John’s son Eric was bullied by another boy at school and came home in tears. Irate that the school didn’t step in to reprimand the other child, John called the boy’s parent and threatened to call the police if the mom “didn’t get control of her kid.” A shouting match between the parents ensued; Eric was terrified to go to school the next day.
Logic: Cheryl had worked during her last two years of college at a local, family-owned bakery. She agreed to keep working after graduation until she found a job in her major (accounting). Once Cheryl got offered a job, she quit immediately rather than give her employer two weeks’ notice; she wanted downtime to hang out at the beach with friends before her new job started. She rationalized that her employer knew she would be leaving at some point, so giving them two weeks’ notice wasn’t necessary.
Convenience: Lauren and Joe were excellent students with a bright future ahead of them. They met in college and planned to attend medical school once they graduated. After dating for a few months in their senior year, Lauren discovered she was pregnant with Joe’s child. They agreed that having a baby just before graduation would interfere with their plans for medical school, so they terminated the pregnancy.
When we make decisions (or advise others in their decisions) out of emotion, logic, or convenience, there’s no guarantee that those decisions will align with what God would want. In each case above, I’m guessing God would have had another solution or outcome for the problem.
If only they had asked…
I understand the temptation to keep God out of the decision-making process. It can feel unbearable to stay in a difficult marriage or leave a career that provides great financial security (even if it causes you to compromise your values). God’s way can feel difficult, illogical, and costly, and we’d rather not pay the price.
I get it.
However, worldly advice can never compete with biblical wisdom.
There are several reasons why godly wisdom is best:
- It comes from an eternal perspective: Biblical wisdom embodies eternal truths, purposes, and moral standards (things that transcend time and culture), whereas worldly advice often centers on what’s trending or convenient, and likely it will not hold up in the long run. The word of God never goes out of fashion (see Isaiah 40:8).
- It prioritizes character over comfort: The world tends to prioritize comfort, success, and self-promotion, sometimes at the expense of integrity or others. God is more concerned that we grow in patience, humility, and love — even if it causes us to suffer.
- It prioritizes heart transformation over behavior modification. Worldly advice often stops at behavior change without addressing deeper motives or wounds. God wants to transform a person’s inner life. It’s not just about better habits but a complete renewal from the inside out.
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezk 36:26)
A Personal Example
When it came time for my husband, Jeff, to retire from the military, we were living in London, England, because his final assignment was a diplomatic one based at the embassy. When he retired, we fully expected to leave London and start life again in the United States. This made sense: Jeff would no longer have a job, our housing was going away, and, perhaps most significantly, our diplomatic status would end. We had no legal right to stay and work in the U.K. without the proper work visa. Also, the government funding for our son’s tuition at his school would end, and without jobs, we had no way to pay for his last two years of high school.
Logic said leave the U.K.
God said, “Stay.”
We listened to God.
Although it didn’t make sense to stay overseas, we began to think about how we could make it work. I knew I would need to find a well-paying job to help make ends meet. After all, London is one of the most expensive cities in the world, and besides living expenses, we needed money to pay for our son’s tuition for the last two years of high school.
Logic said start up your private practice to maximize your earning potential.
God said, “Take the low-paying job at church.”
I listened to God.
Although following God’s wisdom at that time was one of the scariest and most challenging times of my life, that season grew deep roots in my faith and reconstructed my character.
It was the first time in my life that I took my hands off the steering wheel of control and saw that the car didn’t crash.
On the contrary, I thrived.
How to Seek Biblical Wisdom
The most important (and difficult) first step in seeking God’s wisdom is to consciously and purposefully invite Him to come into your life and lead you. This involves admitting that you want and need God to be Lord of your life. You must acknowledge that you don’t know everything, but God does, and trust Him to lead you.
Admittedly, this is not easy. It involves trusting God when things don’t make sense, when it’s inconvenient, or when it’s painful.
Essentially, if you seek biblical wisdom, you must trust that God has your best interests at heart.
Trusting God requires faith.
*If you are stuck on this point, there is no shame. Admitting that you don’t trust God is a great starting point because you can’t fix what you can’t name. If this is you, I suggest you say this prayer:
God, I want to follow your ways, but I don’t trust you. What is keeping me from trusting you? (Pause to listen.)
Is there a lie that I am believing about you? (Pause to listen.)
Where did I learn that lie? (Pause to listen.)
What do you want me to do about it? (Pause to listen.)
God, I want to trust you. Help me with my lack of trust.
Once you have determined that you do want God to lead you, here are your next steps:
- Ask Him for wisdom: It’s not more complicated than that. You ask; God gives.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” – James 1:5
- Read Scripture: The Bible is the clearest source of God’s wisdom. Your advice to others should not contradict what God says in His word.
“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” (Psalm 119:105)
- Walk with the Wise: Surround yourself with godly people who live wisely. Their influence can shape your thinking and decisions.
“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise…” (Proverbs 13:20)
- Listen and be Teachable: Be open to correction, feedback, and learning — even when it’s uncomfortable. God often speaks through others.
“Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” (Proverbs 19:20)
- Stay humble: You may think you know what is best based on your experience or schooling, but God sees the bigger picture. Train yourself to always ask God before you advise others or make decisions for yourself.
“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” (Proverbs 11:2)
Wisdom in Action
“Nancy’s” father (not real name) needed to replace his car, so he asked her to co-sign a small loan to purchase a modest used car. Instead of using logic or emotion to decide whether to co-sign for the loan, Nancy and her husband asked God what they should do.
They both sensed they should not co-sign the loan.
This was not only an illogical response but also a highly inconvenient one. Nancy’s father was hurt and offended when she refused to sign the loan, which in turn caused pain in her heart.
Despite not understanding why God said no, Nancy trusted God and “leaned not on her own understanding.” (This is wisdom in action.)
A few days later, Nancy learned why God said no.
He had a better solution for her dad.
God prompted a man from her church to give her dad a check for the exact amount he needed for this car. The man had no idea what the check was for or why he should give this man several thousand dollars, but he did not lean on his own understanding.
If Nancy had not trusted God’s wisdom and co-signed the loan, her dad would have had a car, but both she and her dad would’ve missed the opportunity to see God’s faithfulness in provision and a chance to grow their faith.
Now It’s Your Turn
If you are ready to let God take the lead in how you make decisions, ask Him to help you.
Jesus, I’m ready to trust you with all my heart and no longer lean on my own understanding. Help me remember to turn to you whenever I need to make a decision or if I am asked to help someone else decide what to do. Let your Word lead me into all truth. Show me who the wise people are in my life so that I may learn from them. Help me stay humble and teachable so that I may always walk in wisdom.
*I would love to know if you have had any experience trusting God’s wisdom when it didn’t make sense. Please share in the comments.