Written by Dear Reader,
This is part one of a two part series. I will post part two next week.
I hadn’t thought about Anthony in over fifty years.
To be honest, it’s been so long, I’m not one hundred percent sure that was his name, but that’s the name that bubbled up when the memory surfaced, so I’m rolling with it.
I wasn’t trying to remember this kid, but when my husband asked God to reveal the root of a longstanding problem in my life, a buried memory surfaced that involved this young boy. Somehow, he was hidden in the deep recesses of my mind.
I was shocked that anything came up when we prayed, especially since I have so few memories of my childhood.
I immediately knew God was showing me something.
Anthony was a kid I barely knew—a bit player in the cast of characters I called friends. I vaguely remember that he was cute and seemed a bit more worldly than the other boys in the neighborhood. I don’t know why I thought that; perhaps it’s because I don’t remember him playing run the bases, hopscotch, spoons, or dodgeball like all the other kids. He didn’t seem like the kind of kid who played—at least not in the “kid” sense.
I’m not sure why I ended up in Anthony’s neighborhood that day. We tended to play on our street—Prospect Ave—instead of Cozy Corner, where he lived. I think we were playing “chase,” and somehow landed on his street.
Even though Cozy Corner was only a couple of hundred yards away, I didn’t like going down there.
Until God surfaced this memory, I never gave it a second thought.
It turns out that Cozy Corner wasn’t so cozy after all.
The details of my memory are unclear. I don’t know how I ended up in a backyard tent with Anthony. I suspect I was hiding from whoever was “it” in our game of chase. The tent was a great hiding place.
As it turns out, darkness was waiting for me there.
I may have thought I was playing an innocent game of chase, but once I got into the tent, the rules of the game seemed to change.
Anthony demanded that I kiss him.
Kiss him!? What the heck? I was a girl who still played hopscotch and jump rope for goodness’ sake. I didn’t kiss boys…
…especially boys who cornered me in a tent.
I was scared and confused.
In my memory, I see myself leaning back away from him, my body communicating what I had already said with my words.
“NO.”
Anthony ignored me and pushed forward to plant a sloppy kiss on my mouth.
Immediately, shame joined the fear I already felt.
Adrenaline propelled me out of the tent, and I ran as fast as I could back to the safety of Prospect Ave.
Shame kept me quiet; I never told anyone what happened in that tent.
Although you might be tempted to argue that there was nothing to tell—a kiss isn’t a big deal—you would be wrong. Even at ten years old, I knew something wasn’t right, but I didn’t have the words to explain it. I also believed—perhaps a lie—that telling my parents wouldn’t help.
I concluded it was best to shove it down and move on.
That is precisely what darkness intended.
Shame sends us into hiding, and then the voice of evil starts to do its work.
Lies Uncovered
Once the memory surfaced, my husband and I began to ask God what was stolen from me (besides a kiss).
Remember, the memory came up when we asked God to show us the root cause of a problem in my life: I had distorted views I had about men, sex, and desire.
We asked God to show me the lies that were planted in my soul because of what happened.
I didn’t have to wait for the revelation to come. The lies began to flow from my mouth like a fountain:
- Men will take what they want from you
- Your ‘No’ does not matter
- The best solution to a demand is to give in and then run away
- It’s your fault (for going into the tent)
- Desire leads to abuse
- You need to protect yourself from desire
I was shocked by the lies that came from an experience that probably lasted less than fifteen seconds.
Distorting the truth (i.e., lies) is one of the ways that Satan acts to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10).
If evil can get you to question God’s goodness and truth, it has won.
An Example from Scripture
We see this tactic played out in the Genesis story: the serpent enticed Eve to sin because he tempted her to doubt what God said and why he said it. Dr. Curt Thompson, author of The Soul of Shame, points out that the serpent didn’t start with an accusation; he began with a question that sowed doubt and distrust in Eve’s mind: “Did God really say…?” (Genesis 3:1)
Dr. Thompson points out that this question subtly implies:
- “God might not be telling you the whole truth.”
- “God might not have your best interests at heart.”
- “You might be lacking something important.”
The serpent also fractured Eve’s relational trust with God by suggesting that He was withholding something good from her. A fracture is more devastating than it sounds: humans are wired for connection with God and each other.
Disconnection and distrust of God and others go against our godly design.
As I considered what happened in that tent with Anthony, I recognized that Satan wanted to make sure I learned to distrust men.
Interesting dynamics when you’re married to one…
Just sayin’…
Why This Matters
Being led by the Spirit rather than the soul is a central biblical principle for spiritual maturity. This doesn’t mean that the body and soul are irrelevant: the importance of our body and soul is validated by the fact that God, who created heaven and earth, took on human form.
However, if we allow our body and soul to lead us rather than our spirits, we are likely to live disconnected from others and God. This is what started in that tent. As I learned from my interaction with Anthony, our soul—our mind, will, and emotions—is influenced by our past trauma, preferences, and incomplete understanding. Although the soul is not inherently bad, without our spirit leading it, it can easily lead us into:
- Emotional reactions
- Believing distortions (lies) about others and God
- Becoming focused on fleshly desires (Galatians 5:17)
- Making fear-based decisions
- People-pleasing or control behaviors
In other words, being led by the soul can cause confusion and instability, leading us to make decisions that seem right in the moment but miss God’s higher purpose.
When our spirit, connected to Holy Spirit, leads us, we guard ourselves against deception. Our souls can be influenced by culture, emotions, or deceptive thoughts. Remember how Satan used the experience I had with Anthony to sow lies and deception into my soul? That deception impacted how I saw men and myself for decades. The Spirit, however, discerns truth from lies. Being led by the Spirit helps you stand firm in truth, especially in a world full of confusion.
Remember that in creation, God made man as a spirit, living in a body, with a soul. In the Fall (when Adam and Eve sinned), human spirits became disconnected from God. The result of that disconnection was that Adam and Eve experienced shame. Shame was never part of God’s plan for us; shame is what caused Adam and Eve to hide from God.
(Hiding from God is never a good idea.)
Here’s the good news, though:
In Christ, our spirit is reborn (John 3:6), and we are called to live spirit-first lives: we submit our souls to the Holy Spirit via our spirit.
Unfortunately, the process of submitting our souls to the leadership of our spirit is often harder than it sounds.
Led by the Spirit or Soul?
If you are a follower of Jesus, you may (incorrectly) assume that you automatically are led by your spirit. That is not the case. I suspect most of us are being led by our souls. Read the list below to see if soul-led living resonates with you.
A soul-led person:
- Makes decisions based on their mind (logic) or emotions
- Reacts to circumstances out of fear, pride, jealousy, lust, or anger
- Seeks comfort (to avoid pain) or control (to avoid fear)
- Is double-minded or anxious
- Thinks and decides without seeking God’s will or truth
- Lives without submission to the Holy Spirit
- Is easily offended and is defensive when challenged
- Is usually critical or judgmental
- Is proud or self-righteous
- Is driven by comparison or jealousy
- Is often overwhelmed by fear and worry, leading to a need to control people and events around them
A soul-led person believes:
- “I’ve got to fix this myself.”
- “What will they think of me?”
- “I don’t need to pray about this.”
- “I’ll feel better if I just…” (distract, indulge, avoid, etc.)
A soul-led person acts in these ways:
- People-pleasing or passive-aggressive responses
- Avoiding hard conversations or numbing out
- Overindulging in food, entertainment, or comfort
- Withdrawing from community
- Acting impulsively without prayer or wise counsel
A Spirit-led person:
- Seeks God’s glory and purpose
- Is directed by peace and discernment
- Responds in faith and wisdom
- Is rooted in peace and clarity
A Spirit-led person has these attitudes:
- Humble and teachable
- Patient with yourself and others
- Grateful, even in difficulty
- Compassionate toward others’ brokenness
- Bold in truth, yet kind in delivery
A Spirit-led person believes:
- “Lord, what are You saying here?”
- “Help me to trust You even if I don’t understand.”
- “This hurts, yet I know You’re with me.”
- “I want to reflect Christ in this moment.”
A Spirit-led person acts in these ways:
- Pauses to pray before reacting
- Responds with love, even when wronged
- Sets healthy boundaries without guilt
- Stays engaged in community and truth
- Chooses obedience over convenience or comfort
I have more to share on this topic. But— you will have to wait until next week! 😀
What came up in you as you read this post? 👇🏻